December Sun – A Web Comic

December 8, 2010

December Sun #5 – Really bad first draft

Filed under: 3 — Tags: , — admin @ 11:44 pm

Most of this has already been refined/illustrated and posted here, but I thought for kicks I’d post this.  This is the original first draft of the first half of DS#5, warts and all:

DS #5

Ludosomnus was a theologian, educator and cheese-maker from the later part of the 15th…

No, I mean, who cares about some stuffy old guy anyhow?

Well, other than the fact that his biography encompasses over a thousand pages of dry tedium,  the least of which describing his fascination with fromage…

Nope!  Sorry.  This isn’t what you’re about.  You’ve got super powers, and you’re in hiding here… around all these dry, old books.

What?

Follow me! Look, I’m going to steal this book from the library, just to see your reaction, hotshot!

Uh…

I say, did that young woman say she was stealing a Ludosomnus biography?

Yes, and I’ve got an exam on that text tomorrow!

thinks
How did she know where to find me, and how did she know about my powers?  I’ve done everything I can to keep a low-key identity here, and she just walked right up and found me!

Speeding away in a van?  This screams of a setup.  Blast!  I don’t need this now.
My paper…

running
sigh…

Alright, enough of this!  Give me back the book now or…

gun guy
smile

Stun blast… wasn’t meant to kill me.  Whoever this is, they’re leading me to a…
The Smart thing to do would be to go back and call the police, and let some super team handle this.  And…

The bull man smashed me flat, and Castillo nearly fried me.  I… can’t keep running and failing.  Plus theres nothing more inane than being a tragic hero.

Tragic virtue.
Paper due tomorrow.
who was that girl anyhow?

buildingtop -
They left the van, and there’s the book.  Like a cube of colby-jack in a mousetrap.
Dang, I’m hungry.  Should have had a snack before…

shadow
hola!  You know this is a trap, guerrero?

Ah, yeah.  Hey, you shadows never show up during my conflicts.  Are you going to help me out this time?

We did help you last time, amigo.  Remember Castillo, the bandido calvo?  He’s almost in Canada now with this tail between his legs.

Well why not help me now?  Obviously someone, something, is waiting to pound me.  Together we’d be unstoppable!

No can do, compañero.  But tell you what.  You’ve got this fight won if you just do one thing:

foco.  Focus.

Great, thanks.  estúpido shadow.

Maybe he’s right.  The power is on, and I’m going to use it, and maybe today will be the day… wonder what the opposite of a tragic hero is?

8080… attack!!!!
Destroy!
mame!

yield, mortal, to thy superiors!  Feel thee the justice of the shield of Frankenmuth!

Torchmaster… eliminate yon enemy.

Verily, Axemasterman!

Alright, look… I didn’t really come prepared.  In fact, my only outfit was shredded with 10,000 volts of electromagnetic radiation.  And now this…

We know.  Here’s an outfit for you that can withstand a majority of gunfire and projectile weaponry.  It was specifically tailored for your experiment today.
Experiment?
Trust us, you’ll be fine.  We promise you won’t die.

that makes everything better.  Excuse me, I’m going to change and ponder why the heck I’m here.

You’re here to get your little book back.
You’ve just got a few hundred obsticles to get through first.
hahahahaha!!!
I could just report you to the library.  They might take away your circulation privledges.
hahahahahaha!!!

inside
I should have stayed in bed.

but no, I’ve got a morbid curiosity to see who these people are, and how they know me.  hopefully I can get to the bottom of this, get home, change, and finish my paper…
hey, this is a nice fit.  Generally I’d hate the idea of a pine-green super-costume, but this isn’t bad.

I just need to focus.
I can do this.
Beat the army.
Get the book.

Amazing… fireproof material!  Even my standard black and whites couldn’t take a shot like this without some warping.

And a cape.  Trite, but I’ll play along.  If they want to experiment with me, then I’ll give them an experiment, and… dang, I sound so maudlin.

I think he’s in there shaking with fear.
I don’t think he’s coming back out.

No… here he comes…

Is it working?
Yes, the sensors are all in place in the suit.  We can monitor all of his vitals while he fights.  So far his power levels are extraordinary…

Give it time.  The batallion will wear him down.

{
Give the 8080 some time.  They’ll break him down.  He didn’t last long against Bullbeast, remember.

Different situation there.  Nothing can last long against Bull.  Besides, so many members of the 8080 battalion are just so plain… goofy…

It’s part of their gimmick.

Why would a super-hero sub-team need a gimmick…?
}

Need to focus.
Concentrate on keeping the power active, and directing it into each action.

I wonder if self-doubt has been draining these powers?

baddies:
We

Amablu Blue cheese
American cheese
Bergere Bleue
Brick cheese
Capriole Banon
CheddarJack
Clemson University Blue Cheese
Colby cheese
Colby-Jack cheese (Cojack)
Cold Pack
Cougar Gold cheese
Cream cheese
Crowley
Cup Cheese
Cypress Grove Chevre
Farmer cheese
Frankenmuth cheese
Great Hill Blue
Hubbardston Blue Cow
Humboldt Fog
Kansas Cow Cheese
Liederkranz cheese
Maytag Blue cheese
Monterey Jack
Muenster cheese
Peekskill Pyramid
Pepperjack cheese
Pinconning cheese
Pizza cheese
Plymouth cheese
Provel cheese
Teleme cheese
Texas Goat Cheese
Tillamook Cheddar
Vermont cheddar

1 Comment »

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